We are coming off of four consecutive nights of our littlest one (10 mos.) being up sick with a fever. I've spent each night on the couch holding him against my chest listening to him whimper (my wife has been doing the "day shift"). Needless to say, I am a little bit on the sleep deprived side of things. Even before my daughter Theresa's death and definitely since, I just hate it when the kids are sick. It really brings home to me again that as human beings, life isn't under our control. In the face of our (ultimate) helplessness to really do anything when our kids are sick or suffering, there is a temptation to feel alone, isolated, forgotten. In the dark wee hours of the night, there is even at times a temptation to despair. I've been wrestling with this the past few days. It's at times like these that the Christian understanding of "emmanuel" - God with us - pushes back. The question "You are with us. So what?" isn't just academic. It's like a tunnel that my troubled imagination bumps and stumbles its way through to morning. While it's not pleasant, the spiritual insights that come are mind-blowing. In the night, the Psalms aren't just the songs that come between the first and second readings at mass. Rather they ring with relevance:
"My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night but I have no relief" Psalm 22, v. 3
"How long, Lord? Will you utterly forget me?" Psalm 13, v. 2
"Be gracious to me, LORD, for I am in distress; with grief my eyes are wasted, my soul and body spent. My life is worn out by sorrow, my years by sighing. My strength fails in affliction; my bones are consumed." Psalm 31, v. 10-11.
This last night the baby's fever seems to have broken. I got a solid five hours of sleep. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I am writing this in the presence of my Lord in the adoration chapel. It is 5 AM. The sun is rising.
"Sing praise to the LORD, you faithful; give thanks to God's holy name.
For divine anger lasts but a moment; divine favor lasts a lifetime.
At dusk weeping comes for the night; but at dawn there is rejoicing."
May God be blessed in all things, by all, now and forever.
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4 comments:
Nate,
Glad to hear the fever broke...and you got some much needed SLEEP!
God Bless,
Craig
Nate, My boy is sleeping and it's 4 minutes past noon. I'm devouring a bowl of ice cream with added TeddyGram's for a make shift Blizzrd like treat. The Psalms you listed resonate with me as I try and comprehend the totality of the Bible. Some passages make perfect sense and others I still don't understand. The fact that God is paradoxal means that I am left to weigh all of what He says and do my best not to choose the verses that I like, or worse line up with my personal agenda. I am speaking about myself here, not you.
The idea to converse about spiritual matters intrigues me and I hope people around the world engage in it. Thanks for your iniative.
So I know I don't get to make posts (only comments) unless I start my own blog, but My question to you and your readers is this: Can God and Truth be definitively articulated by finite human beings?
Prov 12:19 truth stands the test of time, lies are soon exposed
2Tim 3:16 All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and make us realize what is wrong in our lives.
1Tim 4:16 Keep a close watch on yourself and your teaching, Stay true to what is right, and God will save you and those who hear you.
All these and many more speak of truth like it is a comodity that one can just go and get. I believe all truth is God's truth. That is if something is true, then it proceeded from God. Or God=Truth and Truth=God. Yet I can not describe God in words. All analogis break down because God is bigger than language is capable of describing. To claim we can definitively sum up God is pretty bold. Most people I talk with would not ever claim to be able to do this. The question that I have been wrestling with lately is why do these same people who would never presume to fully explain God, surprisingly claim the ability to fully articulate Truth? When I say God is truth (and I do)and concede that God can not fully be described, how can I then say that Truth can? I seem inconsistent here.
-a guy coming from the opposite end of the spectrum, and moving toward the middle
Good luck with this adventure. I for one will be checking in.
Nate.
My son has gone to bed and sleeps well these days. He is now 5, soon to be 6. (by the way, he just took a belt test today --shorin ryu).
Back when we were in Inver Grove Heights (2002), I hated God for what was happening to my son and to my wife and me. I took back all of my faith in God and I put it in myself.
It broke my heart that God would leave me and my wife alone for so many nights to comfort him and soothe him with no idea as to how to help him. He had extreme atopic dermatitis and food allergies. Back then we didn't even have hope to keep us going.
Opportunities arose (God's answer?) for my wife to move into a better career and for me to stay home with my son and for us to live in San Francisco. When I think back on those days, I still cry, but I now look at where we are and thank God for giving me the opportunity to spend so much time with my son.
I don't pray anymore, but I hold you in my thoughts. Mostly because you are inspiration for me to keep on being a man who never gives up.
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